(I promissed to re-post this story. Though it's been all over the web, it bears repeating because it's one of the best. Also, because I own one of those helmets.
It's for sale BTW....Cadd)
What Colour Is It Anyway?
Was posted on the Harley Digest by Andrzej Taramina from a friend of his in Oz.
Some of us wear BMW style two piece "open chin" helmets - you know the type - where the lower chin piece can be opened by pressing two thumb locks. Some people have also fitted their bikes with electronic cruise control or a version which operates on friction on the throttle - either way they hold the speed of the bike reasonably constant without any input from one's throttle hand. We also all wear gloves, which invariably fasten around the wrist with either a velcro flap or a press stud; some of the more expensive types have a zip fastener as well, among other features.
Picture if you will, one lone BMW rider with an opening chin helmet and a pair of good quality velcro fastened gloves sailing along the Hume Highway at 115 kph (that's all I'll admit to!!) dialled in on the electronic cruise control. Weather is good, no cars in the immediate vicinity, scenery is boring, no cops, life is good!! Junction of highway with Albury/Wodonga Road about 5 km away, no need to slow down yet; bike is running beautifully!! Looking forward to lunch.
Bugger! Is that a bee that just got into my helmet through the small gap I've left for some fresh air? Could be. Well, I'll just open my helmet visor to let him out. Visor up ... no, the little bugger is going to be stubborn, cantankerous even! He's not going to leave and is now behind my sunnies, must be tired from all that pollen hunting. Don't want to be stung on the eyelid -- I'll just open the chin piece on my BMW helmet (very handy) and get him out ... let go of handlebars ... squeeze the release buttons ... bike is nicely balanced and holding line well ... speed steady ... no cars ... this should be easy ... got the helmet open ... glasses off ... piss off bee! ... glasses on ... slam shut helmet ... hands back to bars ---- oh, sheeite!
Thumbs of both gloves jammed in helmet!!! Gloves won't move even though I'm pulling like hell!! Wow, this will be interesting...can't quite press the release buttons with little fingers ... junction now 3.5 km away ... I know, I'll just pull one or both hands out of my gloves.... no, that doesn't work: "velcro is good stuff, won't come undone if you fall off!" I remember the salesman saying that. He was absolutely right, they're stuck fast, I'd have to tear my head off first. Well, next brilliant idea, what if I just touched the foot brake --- nooo, dumb idea!
That won't work, this airhead beemer has great engine braking and when I get to about 40 kph and can't balance the bike any longer and the dreaded BMW boxer wheel-wobble starts, which it will, I am going to have major tank slappers --- sheeeiite!! I'll be off on my bum so quick and still hanging onto my helmet so tightly they'll have to bury me in it!! Won't do the bike much good either!!!
Hell, I can see the junction up ahead about one and half k's away and I am really starting to get the wind up ... tense even ... certain parts are beginning to pucker ... if the lights change to red and that huge B-double (a double tractor trailer only seen in Australia - G) waiting at the lights is in the middle of the intersection when I get there, jeeesus, I'm going to be a hood ornament next to that bloody chrome bull dog!!
Must try and pull hands really hard ... can I make them any smaller ... 800 metres ... the left one is giving a little ... maybe the gloves are slipping on the sweat now pouring from every pore ... 600 metres yes, yes, that's it, they're wet with sweat .......
I am going to have to hit the footbrake in the next few seconds ... can't hit that @#$*&@ big truck at this speed, it might scratch his duco ...
Yes! yes! ripper! Got the left hand out ... now hit foot brake to cancel cruise, de-clutch and slow bike with foot brake ... steer for the shoulder ... slowing down ...slide foot... stop ... ease out clutch to stall bike ... side stand down...switch off bike with left hand, right hand still glued to helmet ... tintops going past must think I've got toothache ... fall off into grass ... lay there for 5 minutes till the shaking stops and the adrenalin rush dissipates... now release helmet with left hand and remove sweat soaked head. Breathe out ---- shizer! Was that ever close! I'll buy a Tatts ticket.
When I had recovered, I realised there were two observation here:
No. 1: It's not a good idea to open or shut your helmet when on the move.
No. 2: Did you know, "adrenalin" is brown!