California Coyote Tale.....

[FishWitch]

Now the rest of the story…





The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

He calls Animal Control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding the nature of coyotes.

PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.



TEXAS:

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.



Ain't this the truth?!?!

[sglide4me]

Agreed! problem? what problem?

[FishWitch]

Yee Haw think I might git my ride on and move to Texas. I am a bit Okie-fied.

[WIRE]

I can't help it, I'm in a serious mode for a change. That one's been circulating around on many of the right-wing sites for awhile.

DFG doesn't spend much time relocating coyotes, to my knowledge. Landowners shoot 'em; sometimes DFG gets involved and they shoot 'em. Gov. Brown--hardly the stereotypical "Gov. Moonbeam" liberal of popular culture--owns several handguns and may just shoot the coyote himself. Rick Perry would have the coyote put on death row, held for a few years at great taxpayer expense (albeit much cheaper than in CA, where most death row inmates die of natural causes), and then have some under-compensated Texas State Correctional Officers lead the furry offender to the death chamber, even after a group of "outside agitators" provided exculpatory DNA evidence.

[WIRE]

In before the first deployment of the silly, overused term "Kalifornia."

[Law Dawg (ret)]

Originally Posted by WIRE

I can't help it, I'm in a serious mode for a change. That one's been circulating around on many of the right-wing sites for awhile.

DFG doesn't spend much time relocating coyotes, to my knowledge. Landowners shoot 'em; sometimes DFG gets involved and they shoot 'em. Gov. Brown--hardly the stereotypical "Gov. Moonbeam" liberal of popular culture--owns several handguns and may just shoot the coyote himself. Rick Perry would have the coyote put on death row, held for a few years at great taxpayer expense (albeit much cheaper than in CA, where most death row inmates die of natural causes), and then have some under-compensated Texas State Correctional Officers lead the furry offender to the death chamber, even after a group of "outside agitators" provided exculpatory DNA evidence.

Well since we are being serious...

The Texas Governor has no authority to place anyone (or anything) on death row. That is the purview of the court system in its criminal justice roll. The criminal law court system does not adjudicate anything involving animals either as defendants or victims in any State (yet)...though I'll wager there are P.E.T.A. folk there who advocate for civil rights for critters just like there are here in Commiefornia (how about that one? ). So neither the Governor or any other agency in Texas will have the authority to put a wild or any other kind of animal on death row. Besides it would not be fair to put a Coyote (or Rattle Snake...well maybe a Rattle Snake or a 1000 ) in with the types found on death row.

[WIRE]

Originally Posted by Law Dawg (ret)

Well since we are being serious...

You misunderoverestimate my use of the word "serious," but okay...

The Texas Governor has no authority to place anyone (or anything) on death row. That is the purview of the court system in its criminal justice role.

Yep, common knowledge.

The criminal law court system does not adjudicate anything involving animals either as defendants or victims in any State (yet)...

Well, for the most part, true. But I seem to recall something about 597 PC. Lemme look it up so I don't have to rely on my aging memory circuits...

597. (a) Except as provided in subdivision (c) of this section or
Section 599c, every person who maliciously and intentionally maims,
mutilates, tortures, or wounds a living animal, or maliciously and
intentionally kills an animal, is guilty of a crime punishable
pursuant to subdivision (d).

Functionally, at least, the critter so treated seems to be the victim under the law, in that 597 doesn't specify that the animal must be property (which would then possibly assign the victim designation to the human who owns or owned the animal). I dunno...I'm no lawyer.

though I'll wager there are P.E.T.A. folk there who advocate for civil rights for critters....

I'm no PETA fan. A PETA guy dressed like a giant dissected frog tried to protest at my workplace back in the 90's and I sent him on his way. However, I'm no fan of torturing animals either. It's a continuum.

just like there are here in Commiefornia (how about that one? ).

Just as silly a term. Nothin' wrong with silly terms, necessarily. They just don't tend to mean much at all. They reduce specificity. Then again, this IS the Pashnit Humor forum, so specificity and seriosity aren't necessary.

So neither the Governor or any other agency in Texas will have the authority to put a wild or any other kind of animal on death row.

They don't put down killer pit bulls and other mangy curs after holding 'em for awhile in animal control facilities under legal authority in Texas like we do here? That's kind of like a canine death row.

Besides it would not be fair to put a Coyote (or Rattle Snake...well maybe a Rattle Snake or a 1000 ) in with the types found on death row.

No arguments with that!

[Law Dawg (ret)]

Originally Posted by WIRE

You misunderoverestimate my use of the word "serious," but okay...

The prince of irony fails to see it when it is returned?

[Skibold]

For those that don't call California home that story isn't to far off the truth.

[Gojira]

Originally Posted by FishWitch

Yee Haw think I might git my ride on and move to Texas. I am a bit Okie-fied.

Luv it!