Funniest Pic Thread

[halfwing]

I'm starting this thread for motorcycle-related humor. There is a mess of motorcycle jokes and humorous pictures in this vast intellectual wasteland we call The Internet. I would like to use this thread to share some opportunities to laugh at ourselves, but more importantly, to laugh at OTHERS!

Remember: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man!

[halfwing]

[halfwing]

Cow Joke:

Astride his shiny new 125, Jerrol was thoroughly excited about going riding in the hills for the first time. After going only a few miles, Jerrol was surprised to see what appeared to be a half-acre of brown fur just off the trail ahead. Recognizing it as a huge brahma bull, Jerrol nailed the throttle hard, hoping to get by before the bull could react. The bull was too quick, though, and with one leap was totally blocking the trail. Jerrol had no choice but to stop.

"Now that you've disturbed my sleep", said the bull, "you have two choices. Either I gore you to death or we have sex." Frightened beyond belief, Jerrol decided to bend over.

Still sore a week later, Jerrol vowed revenge. Back to the cycle shop he went, where he traded in the 125 for a hot 250. Soon he was back in the hills, heading down the trail. It wasn't long at all before he spotted the brahma again, standing beside the trail. Feeling certain he had the necessary power this time, Jerrol nailed the throttle and shot ahead. But once again the bull was too quick, and again he blocked the trail. "That was a big mistake, Jerrol", said the bull. "But, you know the drill. Either I gore you to death or we have sex... rough sex." Fearful for his life, Jerrol again decided that it would be wise to comply.

This time it took weeks before Jerrol recovered enough to get around. But still outraged at the bull, he traded in the 250 and got the hottest 500 money could buy before heading back to the hills. Now he could outrun the bull, and now he'd prove who was the master! And with the faster 500 under him, it took no time at all before he looked ahead and saw the huge brahma again. Jerrol lowered his head, down shifted, and confidently nailed the throttle hard, rocketing ahead so quickly he was barely able to hang on. Incredibly, however, the bull was quicker still, and Jerrol had no choice but to come to a sliding halt in front of the bull now blocking the trail. A chill ran up his spine as he waited for the bull to speak.

"C'mon, Jerrol", said the bull. "Admit it. You don't come here to trail ride any more, do you?"

[halfwing]

Slow Down or Stop?

The police officer had just pulled over a yuppie on a new Harley for running a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please..." the officer asked.

"What's the problem, officer?" the yuppie replied.

"You just ran a stop sign." the officer said.

"Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a single car anywhere in sight."

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and only then proceed with caution."

"You've got to be kidding me!" the yuppie said.

"It's no joke sir." the officer said flatly, pulling out his citation book and preparing to write a ticket.

"Look I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one, and proceeded with caution."

The officer sighed and slowly shook his head. "That's beside the point sir, you are supposed to come to a complete stop and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..." the officer began.

"You sure do have a lot of time on your hands pal. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed this early?" the yuppie asked sneering.

"SIR!" The officer sighed. "I'll over look that last comment now let me see your license and registration immediately!"
"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." the yuppie said, folding his arms across his chest.

A smile appeared on the officer's face. "Sir, I can do better than that." The police officer quickly jerked the rude yuppie off his Harley, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

[pashnit]

Sounds as though I may have to delve into my vast library of funny pics...

One of my all time favorites

[halfwing]

Bubba goes into a Harley dealership and says "I want a fast bike." The salesman says "Sure, I can do it, but it's gonna cost ya plenty." Bubba forks over $20,000 and rides off on a Harley. As he's going home, he pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rebel 250. Bubba thinks "here's my chance." He gives it all it's got as the light changes, but the Rebel pulls away. He goes back to the dealership and tells the salesman what happened, and he says "Oh, I can make it faster, but it's not gonna handle, and it's gonna cost ya plenty more." Bubba forks over $50,000 and leaves. In two weeks he goes back to the dealership, and there's his bike, with two motors side by side in the frame and a third one hanging off the front, driving the front wheel. Bubba looks it over and says "Hey, with that engine up front, how do I steer it?" The salesman says "I told you it wouldn't handle well, but it sure is fast."

Bubba trailers the bike out to the longest piece of straight highway he can find and waits. After a while, the same Rebel 250 pulls up. Bubba guns it, and leaves the Rebel behind. At the next stoplight a CB500 pulls up, and Bubba guns it, and beats the CB500 too. At the next stoplight he looks over, and there's a Hayabusa next to him. Bubba revs all three motors, drops the clutch and takes off. The 'busa is in front, but Bubba catches up, and stays right behind him for about three miles. Just as he's passing the 'busa, he looks forward and sees a curve in the road.

When Bubba wakes up, he's in the hospital in a full body cast. He looks over to his left, and there's Tim Pashnit in a full body cast too. Bubba says "Hey, I know what happened to me, but you could have made the corner. What happened to you?" Tim says "I'm pretty confused about the whole thing too. I was sitting on the bike, and I looked over to the side, and there was a Harley next to me. I got off the bike and put the center stand down so I could figure out why I wasn't moving, and here I am."

[pashnit]

"91 Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women"

Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles' curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycle at any time of the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apoligize before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

[pashnit]

[pashnit]

It looked solid enough.

[pashnit]